he shaved USA in his pubs
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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