The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
