hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
