Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
