You made me cry and you don't even care
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ttyl tear gas
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
