Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
