So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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