i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
