It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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