I want to make a zoo with you.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
