dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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