FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
