that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
