They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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