You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
