She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
