They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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