i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
