she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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