I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
