I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
