at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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