I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
