Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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