just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
