You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That accounts for only three of the penises
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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