Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
