my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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