you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
