why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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