He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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