someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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