you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
