Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
