This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
