I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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