About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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