I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
