The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
