The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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