No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
