if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Someone signed my nipple.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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