the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
