Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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