i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
