everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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