talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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