You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
