He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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