I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
