so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
