Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
