Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
