i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
