She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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