I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
