Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
