I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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