sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
