I'll bet she douches with gravy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize