Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
