the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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