Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
