so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
