Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
