it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
