Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
