I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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