I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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