Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm too high and old for this...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
