Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Come see our sink grown plant.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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