I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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